Saturday, September 13, 2014

eM:I-elle, A Techno Fairy Tale. Part 1: There Was... (Chapter 2)


eM:I-elle, A Techno Fairy Tale.
Part 1: There Was...
Chapter2

Written By Ivan Overmoyer
Illustrations by Anna Overmoyer
Copyright (c) 2014, All Rights Reserved

(In case you missed it, Chapter 1 can be found here)



      The days were explosions. Bright sun flash reached over ground and house and swiped its gaze over the underneath before it disappeared over the eyelid rim of CitySky. Light faded over the day until it was nothing and night again. Cycles of life passed this way neverchanging and he remembered days for the life lived, not as the world did: day after day, after fading day, forever.

      He woke with the sun’s hello and dressed. His clothes were not fine, but thick and warm, worn, edges frayed but still intact. With new sunburst still in mind he walked through the small stone house and outside without eating. The back door of the house faced Stalkward, away from the sun, and this was the way he went. The world was bright, silent, just waking and still, but for the faint chip chipping of his father's hoe in the distance. He stood and leaned against the stone wall, wrapped arms around himself, waited.

      Far off was a leany shack where the poet dwelt, over on top of the shallow hill and far aside the village bounds. Its thin walls pushed at the wind, strained to stay upright. He watched, he waited.

     Chip… Chip… Chip… Chip… Chip…

      He saw nothing through her slight window. Even here he would see the flicker from her candle, or darkness as her face blocked frame but today there was nothing and no one and he was tense, no sense of time, only worry and suppressed panic. He waited.

      “You're up early. Eaten?”

      His father's voice and only now he noticed the faint chip chipping had turned silent. His father was tall, lean muscles grasping his neck, held stubbly head over shapeless pigskin coat. Worn headscarf covered what was left of his hair and he peered down at his son with large black eyes.

      “No,” he replied, answering the man’s gaze with his own eyes. He too was tall, but not as much. With a thick woven shroud around him of deep brown, he had dun hair shaggy to match. His stubble was not as dark or thick enough to match the elder’s Scruff, but those who didn’t call him Cabel knew him as Young Scruffy, son of the old farmer.

      His father rumbled, “You worry again.”

      He timidly replied, “I do.”

      Old Scruffy looked to the poet’s house. “She’s stayed longer in seclusion than this, but you’ve not lost appetite over it. What cause have you now?”

      A shiver shook the young one’s frame. “She’s not stirred in seven days from there, though she had only enough supplies for three.”

      “Starvation doesn’t come in four days,” the old one said.

      “But weakness does for one as frail as her.”

      “Then she has found some other food source.”

      The young one shook his head. “The hill is barren, the grasses too sparse and hard to eat. No moss pigs burrow there and the only meat is ilvi.”

      “Any who eats ilvi gets exactly as he deserves.”

      “She would not,” Cabel said quick, “you know that.”

      The old man was solemn. “You think something has happened to her.”

      “I fear the worst.” He looked at his father. “I have to go to her, help in any way I can.”

      “You want to bring her food.” It was no question the old one asked, he knew his son’s intentions. Anyone else would have beaten the boy.

      “If she cannot provide for herself.”

      “Do what you must.”

      Old Scruffy hefted hoe to shoulder, turned treaded slowly around the house. The garden lay Edgeward and he had work undone. Cabel waited to hear his father’s hoe before he pushed his weight from the wall and onto his soles, giving the poet’s leany shack one last look before he headed downslope toward the village.

      Shady Grey sat, a town of worn dirt paths as trenches between rock and house, squat in a shallow valley, walled on all sides but edgeward where the sun peeked every morning. Most were small farms, little plots of peaty chilling ground where grasses and dark berries grew beside the wooden storehouses and pokey dwellings. Cabel trod the path, punched dust with pig skin shoes.

      The village centered on a wide pond trickling in and out from each side. A strong, slow stream, the shape a malformed pancake, deep dark and cold hiding sinister creatures and barely edible animals. Over the trickling-out sat a large paddle wheel pushing around slow with a steady rhythm of squeaks and groans coming from the building it drove, a sad wooden box with a shallow curve top.

      And people, trudged the pitted streets nodding their hellos, stopped by the water's edge, drew buckets or skins, went on their way. Others with satchels of sustenance. Cabel continued on to the box himself with trepidation and a nod here and there to those who greeted him. A woman, older, left as he came upon the door and he held it for her and she murmured a thankyeson, was on her way and Cabel slipped through.

      The creak-and-groan was louder inside but what meager light shone through the dusty windows revealed none of the machine that produced it. Most of it was hid, and the main room was small with naught but a counter and a scale and a door within. A rotating shaft along the ceiling. A bell sounded as the entrance closed. The door behind the counter was left standing open and a gaunt hairless man came swift through though stopping just beyond the frame to scan Cabel, toes to scalp with sharp blue eyes under a heavy brow.

      “Hello young one,” he said in a mild voice, “and what might you be here for today?”

      “I need to make a withdrawal, Smith. Please.”

      The heavy brow raised. “A withdrawal it is, then. For you took some five days worth of bread last time. This hour precisely in fact, am I right in thinking you went hungry yesterday?”

      “Day before,” Cabel said, “I could not eat.”

      “Feeling sick then are we.”

      “A withdrawal. Please.”

      “Still your nerves young one.” His teeth showed oddly clean. “How much do you wish to take out this day?”

      “Eight days of meal.”

      “That leaves you with four until the next fortnight. You are sure?”

      “Yes.” Cabel stood firm though his jaw shook.

      “Far be it from me to question.” Smith bowed his head, slipped backward through the door. “Wait here for me.”

      Cabel had not realized his meager balance. He would have to work extra to stay fed, but it would not be so bad. He could stand some hunger, and his back was strong.

      Smith returned with a sizeable sack of dun brown cloth, plomped down on the counter’s top. “Here it is,” he said. “Will there be anything else this morning? Credits to tell perhaps?”

      “None today but… might I ask after another?”

      Smith’s head turned slowly sidewise, blue eyes narrowed. “You might. Who will you be asking after?”

      Cabel took in a shuddering breath. “Emielle. The poet.”

      “Ah…” and the word escaped as a breath. “Not thinking of charity are we?” His claw released the top of the sack and Cabel snatched it before the edge could fall.

      “That’s none of your concern.”

      “I should think so,” answered he, “but it’s a fool who gives food to the likes of her when he has barely enough for himself.”

      “But who else would?”

      “And that…” Smith backed slowly into the shadow of the back room. “That is none of my concern.”

      “You answered not my question!” called Cabel.

      “You already know it,” came the grumble though the walls, and Cabel left huffing.

      Now was his journey homeward and Cabel went with the sack over one shoulder. Fortunate was he, he knew, to live in his father’s house. But he worked for his own food whether Smith knew it or not, repairing walls and roofs of those who could not themselves, and the old ones spoke well of him. He would deal his meal as he pleased. Upon return the house was vacant and he went to his room to split the sack, scooping the meal to earthen jars. Then he struck out to the hill, out to where the poet dwelt.





      Over dirt and rock and clumps of red grasses, pushing up the incline step by step by step, feet forming rhythm in his mind and matching it with his lungs. It drew in his mind and hardened his body, protected him from the cold. It was a long walk to her dwelling over a path trodden enough to be barely visible. He kept his eyes to the ground. The wind swirled around him, a long-haired dancer breathing in his ears and laughing him on his way, mocking his knotted worry. He knew that his father was right and starvation would not come to her so soon, yet he still feared that it would be one step closer to losing her singular mind forever. That would be difficult for him to bear.

      The trance broke when he arrived at her dwelling. His feet stopped and tingled, his legs wobbling, still wishing to continue, his breath kept running, confused, why did we stop we were doing so well. The ancient structure stood there in its gray stone and grayer mortar, square angles jutting from the loose hilled ground like a single jagged tooth. A metal door and a stone block corner with the other two walls constructed from discard metal and wood, broken pieces of ancient things, patched holes and ragged. Any color had all turned to gray and brown and it pushed against wind rain and snow. He raised his hand and knocked upon the metal door and the whole structure seemed to shake as the door gave in its frame, begging him to stop.

      Wind answered the knock and nothing more, howling in hollows, holes in walls. Cabel pressed the door handle which scraped and ground in itself and let the door open with a sickly pop, grating over the floor and he pushed it closed behind him. Sack fell from shoulder and landed hard on the ground a sifty sigh. It was no warmer inside but with less wind.

      “Emielle?” He called her name but heard no answer and ventured a step through the tiny room toward the blanket that covered the door and the plank floor bobbed under his feet. “Emielle, are you there?” A cold wet tapped his bare ankle and he startled, shouting sudden fear, but it was only a long furry ilvi and its damp nose and it stared into his eyes with amber orbs. Ears pressed back against its neck, and it had a dark mask on a white face. “Gdjaaaa-aaaaa-aaaa.” He swung his arm angrily at the thing for frightening him so. The creatures made him uneasy and he did not fancy them touching him without his permission or prior knowledge, but he knew better than to strike them. These, animals of bad omen, but bringing them harm was even worse. “What do you want, ilvi? I have food but not for you.”

      It rocked forward, batwings rising earily above its head, sniffing attention to sack and meal, then bounded arcing past and under the blanket door. Cabel followed and pushed through blanket to the room beyond. Surrounded by broken furniture and scrap cloth. He saw across the space an ilvi brown of face sitting erect and alert distrusting with its eyes, another curled a ball of grey in sleep beside it. The one he followed in had turned to his left and he saw the snuffling behind two wooden crates, bending toward human figure on a cloth pile.

      She lay alone shrouded in old cloth a thick shirt and torn pants in layers, limbs folded fetal with breathing shallow and tear tracks sideways down her face. Hair dark short and wavy scattered around her head and shading eyes.

      His breath stilled and he knelt by her, wishing but not daring to touch her cheek. The ilvi stared up at him. “Em-mielle?” He whispered the word like a secret that he did not want known, but her eyelids fluttered open and she saw him.

      “I didn’t know you were coming.” Her eyes were still unfocused and her words were weak.

      “I didn’t tell you I was.” He stared into, fascinated by her eyes, the strands of rich blue as they stretched back and forth reading his face. “I… brought you meal,” he said, and she smiled, he could not help to do it himself. “I will prepare it for you.”

      As he started to stand she moved her hand gently to his knee. “Oh… leave me some dignity,” she whispered. “I’m not helpless utterly.” He froze, stopped by her gesture and she leaned up to her knees. She offered a hand to the ilvi for a quick sniff and scurry off under a table as she stood, gazing sleepily at the room around her. She wiped the tear tracks from her face. “And I dreamt of the sky,” she murmured. “Thank you, Mung.”

      “Why did you sequester here for so long?” He watched as she slipped slow and silent across uneven stone floor. Her stove was nestled a metal pan under metal hood under metal pipe rising through crooked roof against a stone wall between Senegal and Bijou’s table and a stack of fuel blocks.

      “The brothers were gone. They would be hungry upon their return and worried were I not here. Gone so long I had to wait. And so I did.”

      “Gone…” he stared at her setting the bricks of woodmoss in the stove. “Gone where? Not stealing more books again…”
      She lit the stove with a sulfur match, scraped against the ground. “What else?” She looked back at him.

      “You would bring the Empties here? You mustn’t let them do such things!” With anger or unease his hands shook, unsure which.

      “Even if I wished them not to they could not be stopped.” Bijou ever upright gave a yawn as Emielle ran hand over head ears and neck. The stroke shivered his spine, leaning into it and they could all sense Cabel’s discomfort. “Their nature dictates what they do, not my word. The books they would hoard even were I not here.”

      “But you don’t need to encourage them!”

      “I will do as I please,” she said stiffly and her words kicked at his stomach.

      “I… I’m sorry,” he said, his anger shrinking to regret. “I worry for you, that’s all. If the Empties came and took you away…” Here he halted.

      “They would come for the ilvi and me. They would leave the village alone.”

      “But your work… would all be lost! If that… I couldn’t…”

She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. “Someday it will all be lost anyhow. I do not write to be remembered, I write because I must.”

      “But what about me, or my father? We love your work, would you deprive us?”

She touched her forehead to his. “If they stopped stealing books, it would have the same effect.” She smiled wider. “Worry not.” She went back to the stove, retrieving a small metal cauldron from a hook inside as the fire sputtered bright.

      Cabel sputtered as well. “But… your poetry comes from within you! You don’t need the ilvi for such beauty, you are an artist on your own!”

      She looked up at him from scooping some cupfulls of meal into the vessel. “And I suppose you can patch the wall of a home without mortar, or build a door without wood and metal?” He deflated yet again. “Cabel, we do not tell each other how to work.”

      He sighed deep and slow. “Nothing I say can persuade you?”

      She smiled. “Nothing.”

      He turned toward the door, eyes sweeping ilvi asleep around the room. There was so much about her he didn’t understand. “Just promise me this as thanks for the meal… be careful. Don’t get taken. I would not want my charity to be in vain.” He stepped away, back toward the rocks and dirt and cold, pulling his cloak tight around.

      “Wait,” she said, and he stopped and she scurried to her bed, pulling out her journal, flipping through tattered remains of ilvi dinner. She pulled a page, folded and held it to him. “Here. Take this, and know I will be careful.”

      He took the paper as an egg and held it close to his chest. “Work well, and please take care of yourself.”

      “The same goes for you.”

      And he nodded and left.

      In the wind he unfolded the scratchy sheet and read as he trudged.



The night is old as I fold my tent

and set out for another day, toting rations,

bed and damp canvas, striking out

against the untamed plain for somewhere

I’ve never seen.



That somewhere out there I’ve never been to,

where there’s water and sky

where the ground isn’t mirrored by a floor above

my head and everyone grows as tall as they can

because they can

without fear of bumping their heads on the sky.



And I

know I can get there if I just keep

walking against the untamed plain,

back loaded with rations and damp until

I get tired and set my tent

to recharge for another day of walking,

rest and repeat

to continue on until I reach

the sea.



      Breath issued joining the wind around him as he held the poem to his chest with lines still fresh in mind. A smile broke his lips and he hunched his shoulders as he shivered, not from cold. This he would add to his collection and treasure. He folded it up following the creases she had made and held it close, pretending it was her.

 


      The small stream that fed into the river that ran into the village went past a path which led to the poet’s house, not far from the spring of its origin, a crater in the earth surrounded by ground-scrubbing bushes where water bubbled up from an ancient pipe in a dark abyss down below. She would walk the path by the familiar sound of the trickling stream with a light metal bowl in hand to the spring then claw her way down the crater wall to the water. Stomach wining with anticipation, she kissed the water, sucking the cold through her before dunking the bowl, freezing it to her finger flesh.

      Clambering out to the path with bowl sloshing overhead and water veins running down over hand. She felt the ilvi stir in the house.

      Senegal bent his neck into the cauldron, forepaws on the edge, tasted meal with his nose holes. It tasted to him sour, spoiled yet rife with tiny animals, sweet and acrid at once and it tickled. He sneezed and jumping backed away from the cauldron batting at his nose.

     Must you do such things? Bijou stood still in his spot, orange eyes glancing down at his brother below.

      It burns at my curious nerve, he reproachful replied, looking up at Bijou. His head bobbed with constant sniffing. I understand not how they are nourished by such substance as this. Strange creatures they are.

     Well you’ll learn nothing by sticking your nose in their food.

      It is a place to start at least. Where would you have me look? Then distracted by a newer smell, Senegal wandered off to a corner, scratching now and then at the stony floor.

      Such things are not for us to know. It was Monk now, opening a single sleepy eye from his curled up mass under chair. We eat our food, they eat theirs. It matters not the hows or whys.

      Bijou yawned. Leave him his wonders as he will. He is young yet, he will learn soon enough.

      With a snort Monk’s eye closed again only to be opened once more as Bango leapt from her shirt pile onto Senegal’s back, a blurry white shriek of joy. Monk sighed loud letting his distaste be known, but neither youngster noticed. He curled tighter.

     Get off me, I’m smelling!

      You did so straight into my trap, thief! Do not deny, you’re after my hoarded shinies!

      I thought I smelled beetles, you nit, now get off! And with a dark grunt from his throat Bango was flipped on her back and her quarry scattered off a flurry of clacking claws, jumped to book pile to chair and back to table, glowering down at her.

     Come and face me you currish coward!

      Leave me alone, Bango, I’m right off the mood.

      Oh come, Senegal, you’re less fun than Terak.

      And so be it.

      Bango shook herself a shiver running down her back and looked about the room. Fine! Where is Mung, he’ll play with me.

      Terak yawned her way out of a sleeve and out of silence. He went off after the human, he did. For once patience, sister, he’ll return again soon.

      Humph. Always following the Starchaser he is. What hopes he to gain from following her springward?

      It’s not the Starchaser he follows. It was that Odann boy. Terak rolled slowly on her back gazing at her sister with ears flattened to the floor. I know not what he wants from that one. Mung is a strange one he is.

      A grunt and a hop and Bango loped out through the cloth door and squeezed through the hole in the front room outdoors. White fur glinting over rocks, through scrub grasses, picking carefully along faded path. She followed the faint footprints and claw marks aided by Mung’s lingering musk, but her sharp eyes saw no movement ahead. By and by she stopped, planting her backside in the dirt, ears flattened and she concentrated.

      Mung, where are you! Come homeward, I’m bored and no one will play with me! Anyway, you ought not chase Odann, you’ll scare them. You’ll bring naught but trouble.  She waited, listened, stopping only once to let her hind leg thump-scratch an itchy earwing. Mung! Come home, come back! You’ll worry the Starchaser! Gusts roamed the scarred plain, ruffled clumps of grasses and played with her senses, bringing smells that did not belong and sounds that churned in her earscapes and it dried her eyes. Mung!!

      Bango, stop your worry. He approached from the side, crawling to her off path. She snapped her eyes freezing on him plodding forth under shadow and scrub. None saw me. If I can skulk through CitySky we need not fear a few Odann. He was calm but his tone uneasy and his nose did not twitch as he walked. She popped up at him and he refrained from flinching as her teeth found his neck skin and shook hard. Half his size, she shook herself.

      You frightened me, bully! Brute! What shall happen when the Starchaser comes in and finds us both gone, what will she think then?

      Wonder you truly? He whipped his head knocking her hold from his pelt and she rolled to her feet, prancing in circles around him as he plodded paw over paw homeward. I think she will know exactly where we are.

     She would know better if we stayed put. What do you out here, why follow the Odann boy?

      I followed him for the poem.

      I see, thought you’d steal yourself a snack, did you? Naughty is Mung.

      I only wished to smell. I do not steal the Poet’s words, only taste them on the wind unless freely given.

      Then your nose is so brown it stinks!

      Or rather it smells.

      She charged his belly and whumped him on his side. A rotten punster you are. And bounced on ahead.

      Mung rolled back to standing and shook the dust from his fur. Quick wits make for quick feet it’s said. His rump angled high a twitching tail as he folded for a spring. And so shall I catch you! He sprang barreling after the bouncing youngster who shrieked in excitement and took his chase.



      It was warm gruel the meal made and her stomach grumbled happy as she ate. The fire warmed the little house with sputters and pops across from her bed where she sat savoring the malty grain taste slipping through mouth and throat. Senegal from his table bed sniffed curious at the steam from the cauldron and sneezed, throwing his balance from the perch. He tumbled whumping to the floor and jumped up, shook body from front to end.

      Her head tick-tocked left and right as she smiled at the young ilvi. “That will do you no good, to your stomach or your head.” Senegal sneezed again and scurried to a corner, nose to ground. Another mouthful heated and soothed her angry throat and she felt it with eyes closed. “And Monk, where is your brother? He goes hungry and your haul is hidden.”

      Monk looked up with a yawn and stretched from under table as the poet ate. He trundled his frame through cloth door, poked his front through the outside hole to find sounds of scuffle and play. Two ilvi tumbled in a wrestle of claws and teeth among the scrubbish weeds beyond. When you are quite finished dirtying your pelts the Starchaser would like you inside. Mung has a meal coming.

      Mung’s brownish bulk shook itself to standing, the younger one in his teeth struggled in vain. Thought I to be punished with hunger, Mung thought with firm grip on Bango’s napeskin. He dragged her toward the hole as she kicked and grunted.

      Punished why? Monk pulled back through the hole aside for his brother. You’ve not misbehaved that I know.

     Naught been naughty? Let me go, I’ll give you a thrashing!

      Mung shook her through the hole. Quiet, Bango. You’ll not be rude to Monk. He dropped her and she ran with a squeak through the cloth door.

     You’ve been punning with her again, haven’t you?

      Monk’s disapproval tickled him. A little harmless fun only hurts the bugs. Now what’s this of a meal?

     You were unfed upon our return, were you not? Monk clacked away through to where the poet sat. Come, why thought you to be punished?

      Mung followed after. I gave her a fright is all.

      The poet sat where Monk had left her. The empty bowl by folded knee, her lap now held her blank book where she tore out another verse.



One night I dreamt a tower

piercing through a crust of snow

and I looked not at its apex,

just the crystal down below

where the sources of our lifeblood

told us all there is to know.

Full of stories, full of wisdom

giving food, that we may grow.



Within the crystal mirror

we were beautiful and clean,

clever children of a mother

who could see us through a screen

of a window in the tower

with the glorious polished sheen

and we never even knew her

but we knew she was our queen.



Numberless our masses

standing straight in golden hive

as we watched the preparations

for the ones yet to arrive.

There I was, inside this heaven,

and I felt my spirit dive

and I felt my heart still beating

but I did not feel alive.





      The paper held to Mung's nose, she smiled as he sniffed and his eyes of glassy orange scanning her face. Fearful, no claws resting on her lap and the faintest shiver with the shallow whuf whuf of the nostrils.

      “There is no poison here, Mung. A long awaited dinner. You did not truly think I would let you go hungry?”

      A moment more hesitation, then a ginger tug with foreteeth. The paper slipping soft whispers through thumb and forefinger and Mung blinks, backing away. Bijou watches envious from his perch on the table. The poet watches, curious as the ilvi slinks away. She does not know his hiding place.

Through a hole in ancient walls Mung slipped his way through a maze of dust and dirt and fiber, coming at last through to a small metal space lined with scraps of dry blank paper and cloth snips. Sat down and curled in nolight, dinner in his teeth he set it lightly in the nest. The Odann boy clutching paper to its chest trudged through the wind and cold, a foolish youth flashing through the Ilvi's mind, tracking scent of poem.

      The secret lies in our food, not in theirs. He whuffs and sniffs and tastes the air for the heady scent the poem gives him and he tries to understand.

      Eventually hunger takes over, and Mung dines alone.


(To Be Continued)

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Is This Thing On?

*tap tap tap*

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!

Oops.  Guess so.

Hi there!  Since I haven't done anything here for a few weeks I thought I'd let everyone know where some projects lie.  Firstly, Inkbok is no longer a thing I'm going to be putting any more time and energy into.  They decided that they couldn't compete with Amazon and made the entire service free, which means that any writers who have anything up there won't get paid for it.  That in addition to continued format issues with the site, it's just not worth it for me to deal with it anymore.  (Figures that I finally get the nerve up to advertise for something I believe in and it all goes belly up.  Oh well.)  I'm leaving the stories I put up there already on the site (y'know, all two of them), but I won't be uploading anything more.

That being said, the second installment of "eM:I-elle, A Techno Fairy Tale" is on it's way.  I'm just waiting for an illustration from my wonderfully talented sister, and once that gets here it'll be available for all you fine folks to read and hopefully enjoy.  Also, in the same vein as that, I'm going to start another episodic story adventure in the same sort of format as eM:I-elle, only it'll be a bit more light-hearted and fun.  I've been keeping this one under wraps since I wasn't sure at first if it would work, but at this point it's another case of waiting on an illustration and it'll be here.  So, on that note, I'm proudly announcing the arrival of the first episode of "The Beating Of Her Luminous Wings"! 

Except I don't know when it'll be posted, so I guess that was kind of a crap announcement.  Sorry.

So that's the state of things.  If I get some time I can throw away I'll probably put up another Mystery CD Review.  Although... does anybody read those anymore?  Seriously, I have no way of knowing.  Here's an idea: If there are any features in this blog that you'd like to see more of (or something I don't do that you think I should), leave a comment below letting me know.  I'd love some feedback.

-Ivan

Friday, August 1, 2014

Mystery CD Review: "A Woman Gives Birth to a Gun and it Stabs Her" by Elad Love Affair


Mystery CD: “A Woman Gives Birth To A Gun and It Stabs Her” by Elad Love Affair
Found at: AmVets
Price: Okay, did all the thrift stores get together and decide that $1.98 is the only price their CDs can be sold at? Not that I'm complaining, but that seems to be what they are pretty much everywhere.



First impression:
This is one I've been pretty eager to do for a while. I haven't because I promised stories, then I had a poem I wanted to extract from my brain... but I figure it's been a while since I did one of these, and what better way to revitalize this little feature than with one of the most bizarre entries I've found thus far? Therefore, I present to you Elad Love Affair's “A Woman Gives Birth to a Gun and it Stabs Her”! I found this one with Anna while we were visiting AmVets. The first thing I saw was the title and as soon as I re-read it to make sure I hadn't made a mistake I knew I was going to take it home. Of all the absurd things to call a CD, that has to be one of the best I've ever heard.
Judging by what's in the liner notes it might be some kind of electronic music, which could either be really good or really bad. The last electronic CD I got from a thrift store was unspeakably awful (which came as a surprise... I didn't know bad electronic music existed. But then again, I'd never actually listened to Moby, so what do I know). Either way it ought to be interesting, and if it is horrible at least the CD isn't very long. It's only got six tracks averaging about five minutes each.

1. My Life as an Automaton
Well, this one starts out with some flaily guitar and a very tom-tom heavy drum kit. It's kind of a depressing melody, very angsty. There's some sort of synthesizer as it moves on. This actually sounds a lot like The Mars Volta, if they were a little less experimental and fronted by a woman. The style is almost exactly the same, if a little sloppier, but that's not really a bad thing. The lyrics are pretty clear and the only reason I'm not listening closer is because I'm writing things as I'm listening. The singer almost sounds like a mix between Kimbra and Bjork. It's a very distinct sound and I really dig it.

2. The Pardon Me End of the Knife
This one's much more dissonant, but they continue to remind me of The Mars Volta. I wonder if they are/were fans.
So the last line of the first song is “it's time to run away with the knives,” and given the title of this song and also that of the album, I'm starting to notice some kind of pattern here and I'm wondering if this might be a concept album. They keep throwing in some punk-rock screams here and there, but it's not overpowering and adds a nice effect. They end with some low-fi piano, rustling of papers and someone saying “eheh... yeah? Guess that works.”

3. Bee Swallower
This one's slower and a little more laid back. The tone is consistent though and it's pleasingly moody. The lyrics give off the impression that they've got some thing really deep and urgent to say, but they're so cryptic I'd be hard pressed to say what it is right off the bat. This is a good thing in my opinion... if what they're trying to say is too obvious then they run the risk of being heavy-handed and pretentious, and I can't stand that. Also, she's pronouncing “bees” like “baes,” and I can't tell if she's got an accent or if that's just how she sings. She does draw out her vowels a lot.

4. On Wifeburning
This one starts with a pumping bass line and picks up quickly with the rest of it. These guys have a great sound. The mixing is wonderfully balanced. You can clearly hear all the elements which is only enhanced by the fact that the songs are really tight. The group hangs together really well, and even if the guitar playing is a little slippery here and there it's still really skillful. To do what this guy's doing on guitar is challenging and he's pulling it off really well. The closest thing I can compare it to is, again, The Mars Volta, and that's not a fair comparison to anybody.

5. When You've Run Out of Words to Eat, You've Only Got Yourself
The last track ended with city street noise and what sounded like a foreign news announcer. This one's a little more upbeat-sounding, and at this stage in the album it's a refreshing change of pace. Even with the change in mood it's still unified. She really doesn't want to drink my water, apparently.
This album is just flying by. This feels like the longest song I've heard yet, and it still seems really short.

6. Finding Sex Appeal in Oncoming Traffic
This one starts off with a synthesizer. It's ethereal and cool and I like it already. The guitar quickly follows, and it sounds like it's getting better and better as the album goes on. Too bad this is the last track. This is one of the songs I was most curious about, mostly due to the title. I just picture someone standing naked on a busy highway. She's singing lyrics that aren't in the liner notes... the end of the first verse just wasn't there. These lyrics are so absurdly cryptic. They're good, just... weird. I don't know what to make of it and honestly I'm a little disappointed. With all these bizarre titles I almost expected a little humor. I mean, let's face it, you have to have some kind of wit to come up with titles like these. And yet, all I find is complex chord structures with obtusely poetic lyrics and nothing tongue-in-cheek at all, and all of a sudden there's that pretension I was worrying about earlier.

Overall impression:
Well it's not bad. I like the band's sound. It's tight and moody and complex and artistic... it's very much like The Mars Volta, of whom I am a huge fan. The problem is they have the same downfalls too. This style of music is as heavy as it is relentless, and sometimes you're just in the mood for that, but most of the time you're not. That's what The Mars Volta has that these guys don't... they know when to take a break from the relentless pounding angst and replace it with a more subdued, subtle angst. I guess “When You've Run Out of Words...” provided some of that, but instead of lowering the tempo and relaxing for a bit they just made it sound less angsty. I'm almost thankful that this is such a short album. Anything too much longer might have been too exhausting.
The other thing that gives me pause is the vocalist. She's great... she's got a very distinctive style that fits so well with the music. The problem is that the lyrics are just so abstract I can't really get a grasp on what any of these songs are supposed to be about. Now, I'm all for ambiguity but these songs just take it to a whole new level. I think it might just be too far out there for me, which I might add are words I never thought I'd hear myself say. Just look at some of these:

fatal line stepping
just don't open the can again
staged pulses dying of a fake disease
the speaker said to leave them perfectly dead
choke up a trigger to pull
planted gun barrels gnawed out shells
document only the green side

Now I know that's out of context but trust me, it is all just like that. A couple lines might look like they have something to do with each other, but that's all you get before it's off on several other brief tangents. If this is a concept album I haven't the slightest clue what it's supposed to be about, because the title certainly isn't telling anyone. That's why I thought this CD was going have some kind of cheeky humor, because that's the only way I can think of that a title like that would make any sense. But no, they were apparently one hundred percent serious.
I was only able to find one video online. You can look for it if you want, but the quality was terrible and I don't recommend it. They are on bandcamp though, and they've got four albums up there including this one, all available for free. If you like The Mars Volta, I definitely suggest checking them out. And if you don't, check them out anyway. It won't cost you anything.

Monday, July 21, 2014

"Jars"



A vessel

Of glass molded or cut
makes shapes out of water
or tomato sauce or jelly before it hardens and keeps
what shape it takes in the freezer
Or pickles
bumping together in emerald juice and glass walls
A rainbow in the pantry of purples, reds,
greens and browns, there are so many colors
for glass

Molded or cut with seams or edges
etched out in measuring marks and names and sizes,
Ball, Mason, Quart, One Cup, Two Cups, Three...

With a *clink* and grind-snap pwok and now you have
tomato sauce or jelly hardened in the freezer
Or pickles
Antique foods with sauces and brines,
skinless pears in sugary juice, a yellow ambrosia
that melts on your tongue or parts in your teeth,
sauerkraut salty and vinegar-sweet,
base of spaghetti, sans noodles and meat
Or just pickles
crunching with savory emerald green
And all these things would have turned and molded and rotted away
were it not for this glass

Molded or cut,
standing empty, rinsed sparkling clean
Edges catch light and distort what's behind,
little rainbows in edges etched out into measuring marks and names,
and now you've got something to drink your pink lemonade from.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

eM:I-elle, A Techno Fairy Tale. Part 1: There Was... (Chapter 1)

Written By Ivan Overmoyer
Illustration by Anna Overmoyer
Copyright (c) 2014, All Rights Reserved


Chapter 1

You could fit a baby carrot comfortably in each of their two nostrils, which stared out the front of their head like a second set of eyes, which they also had two of, farther back, large round searching eyes staring forward into the black of the night. Two ears wide and pointed threw every which way on top of their heads or folded back along the long furry necks before a long furry body before a long furry tail and their long claws turned down to the ground.

Two. They padded down the alley with claws a-click-clacking as they slunk through metal cans and lighted posts and boxes melting in the damp. One with dark stripe marks under his eyes swung his head to and fro with great puffs of air through his carrot holes. The other had a dark mask painted in fur, his eyes flicked nervous about.

We ought not to be here, Monk. Someone’ll see us, someone’ll know. Someone’ll end us, Monk.

We’ll see them first, Mung, and then we can hide. Now be quiet, Mung, I’m smelling.

Mung shook his head earitably. I don’t like this. Not one bit. But his brother continued smelling, pawing through the loosey detritus littering the ground.

I smell it, Mung. It’s close, I can taste its words.

Mung’s tongue flicked over his nose. Worth coming this far to get it?

Monk rounded suddenly, his teeth bare. Cool it, will you! We’ll not get seen. We we are the stuff dreams are made of.

Mung drew back. You’ve been spending too much time with the Star Chaser you have.

Monk turned back round. You ought not call her that.

They padded through the dark angled walls, the night sky above them through hexagonal grate. Mung, paused to look up and saw the stars. He would bring the memory back for her. She would like that.

Oh, I smell Monk whuffed a mighty whuff and lifted his head. His tail swished side to side. His back arched and shivered. This we’ll bring back, like a moss pig to an ant hive! Little by little by little!

And not all at once. Mung looked where Monk did, saw the boxes. The smell was undeniable just breathing. They were full of books. They smell old.

Discarded, yes, but still good. None here will miss them.

Would that you had told me this much. Mung shuffled past Monk and hooked claw over claw to the top of the heap. These are large, Monk. What shall we do?

Pick, choose, tear apart, take what you can, leave the rest for later. We’ll have much time for reclaiming, none come here. Monk lifted his claws and tore the side from a damping box while Mung whuffed about the top.

I smell spoilage, Monk. Some of these may be no good.

She may reconstruct those ruined, Monk replied. We take them all.

Mung shook his head again and his ears flapped back and forth. Deciding his brother was right, he scratched open a box flap and pulled at a book spine with his foreteeth. It freed and he held it with his claws, shuffling it back, down into his belly pouch. Monk pulled at the books down below, shifting them out of position. As he shuffled them into his pouch, the others at the bottom of the pile slumped and fell about.

Monk looked up at his brother, who scrabbled in panic as the great stack fell beneath him. Under! Monk flattened, curled around the books in his pouch as the aging boxes and books fell about and above him. As the pile slumped in on itself, Mung rode it down, shaking from panic as it settled. Clunking ended and Mung waited for any sign from his brother.

Then he heard it.

Scraping, clawing, dragging, coming from beyond the hexagonal grate. Mung froze in fear a moment – this was what he had been afraid of from the beginning. His panic rose and he dug at the books and rotted cardboard, thrusting his head in between. The noises were getting louder. He dug desperately, wiggling his long, bendy body through the compressed paper until he could push at them with his feet, burying himself almost completely. His tail slid through the spaces and he shook himself, letting the books settle over him. He could still see through the spaces between them, but if he held still that would be enough.

Soon he could see dark shapes through the grating, indistinct shadows with four uneven legs, or hands, it was hard to tell, and he couldn’t make out a head. But he could hear them breathing, deep and hungry.

Close your eyes, you fool!

Monk knew him all too well. Mung let his eyes slide shut as the things closed over the pile from beyond the grate. He could hear them grunting. The inside of his eyelids turned red as a search light swept over them.

Still, unmoving, unthinking, unblinking, unbreathing, unalive… not here…

It was almost like being a sleep. He opened his eyes and the shapes were gone, but still he waited for his brother’s thoughts. He blinked. Only the stars through the grating met his eyes, and he stared at them, saving the memory for her. It was the closest he’d ever been, she would like that.

Mung felt his brother moving about below him. Take all you can carry, Mung, then we leave.

He broke from the pile and picked out more books, the ones that smelled the nicest. Their words would calm him on the way back down. Monk, I’m full.

As am I. Monk finished shuffling his last book into his pouch. Follow me. They scuttled off the pile and Mung followed his brother back the very way they had come. They made their way slower than they had before, laden as they were and shuffling over the damp walkways. Mung kept his head down, the place had always made him uneasy because he knew what could happen in a place like that. He could still feel his adrenaline- it had not calmed from earlier. He still felt a thrill of fear when he lifted his eyes to the grating above, expecting to see them again.

Monk led him to the giant column in the center of the CitySky, the great monolith that all the troughs and sluices of refuse went to. It was dark and cold, pushing out of the ground and up up up, past the hexagonal grating and into the night beyond. There were lights at the top too, but Mung didn’t want to look that high.

Monk swept his head from side to side, checking for any movement, then hooked his claws around a loose panel in the side of the monolith. It fell with a great clang onto the walkway and Monk scrabbled over it, into the hole it left. Mung followed, reaching down after to try and replace the panel. His claws hooked around the edge of the heavy metal square and he pulled it back up over the hole, letting it lean a little, not properly attached. He knew they would be back.

Inside the monolith it was smelly and there were few things to stand on, the odd dirty grating here and there, little open tubes of ick, loose fluids. Monk and Mung clung to support rods and made their way down through the maze of machinery and wire around the great rod in the center. There was little light, shining out through holes in the center. The light was warm and they passed close to them when they could. Mung hated walking through the CitySky, but he liked this part even less. It was uncomfortable and cramped and otherwise unpleasant.

They passed on through, down, down into the deeper parts of the pillar where the walls fluted out and the rod split into great roots, piercing the bedrock of the world. It was a long, long way to have gone, but they still had farther to go. Hampered by the books they padded over the roots and fallen, crushed bedrock left as the roots had passed through.

Safe now, Mung thought to himself, though he was sure Monk had heard him. Far out to the sides where the walls covered the very edge of the roots as they burrowed far below the surface and met the ground, covering the beneath completely, there was no light, save for the cracks around the panel that they had clawed their way open. They made their way to the very edge of the wall where the panel lay on the sloped wall, and Monk nosed it away out onto the ground beyond the wall to reveal a space barely big enough for one of them. Monk went out, followed by Mung, who again replaced the panel, pushing it back over its space.

Breathe you easier? Monk looked back at his brother, framing his silhouette against the rising sun barely visible over the horizon, under the vast ceiling that the CitySky formed.

It looked a vaguely romantic image to Mung. He saved that one as well. I do. With that, they started their journey edgeward, towards home, over the vast wasteland between.





She sat with her head between her knees on a cushion made of old clothes. She had not meant to stay that way for long, only beginning it as a way to stretch her back, but then found it helped her to ignore the gnawing of her stomach and she could not help but indulge for a little while.

That should be enough. She lifted her head and stretched her legs with a deep breath inward and wrapped her thin arms around her abdomen.

She turned her attention back to the open book in front of her and the empty pages stared back at her in the candlelight. It was a warmer season, but she shivered anyway, drawing around her an old blanket she had traded Old Scruffy a poem for.



The silent shadow
Slips slimy across the floor
I have spilled my ink



She wrote it on the corner of the page, carefully with the pronged pen, letting the letters show clearly. Then she drew thick square lines around the inside, tracing them over and over, until the corner separated, cut by the tip of her pen. She grasped the corner of the poem with thumb and forefinger and lifted it up in the light.

“Senegal,” she whispered. “This one is for you. A snack.”

Out of the surrounding dark the animal crawled, his big carrot holes whuffing at the words of the haiku, his batwing ears wide open. His orange eyes looked at her cautiously.

“Come,” she said as she held it out to him. “Take.”

The tail flicked, but he pushed himself forward as far as he could without actually stepping and nipped the haiku out of her hand. With two snaps it was in and Senegal retreated back into the darkness.

Her stomach spoke, a grumbling whine in a high pitched voice, and she clutched at it again, pushing it inside and leaning forward. Her head found its way again to her knees. “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, stop… please stop…” She whispered desperately, her mouth just inches from her belly. She waited, listening. Her stomach said nothing more and she lifted her head again, taking in a deep breath. Maybe if she could catch some ambient dust…

She put pen to paper again. “Who is next, she whispered. Who is next to be fed, she asked.”



I went to see December Fox
His home is in the pantry box
He hunts the moss pigs in the yard
And he never strays too far.
I went to see him yesterday
To find that he had run away
I will sit and hope and pray
That he will come back home someday



Again she drew her heavy lines on the inside edge of the poem and separated it from the rest of the page. “Mother Critter,” she whispered, “this is yours.”

This time she closed the book, holding the cut out poem in her other hand. She took the candle and stood. “Last in line, mother. Where do you stay?” She stepped carefully along the hard stone floor in her bare feet and the candlelight fell over what little she had in her room. A few old boxes, a broken chair and several books scattered around the floor. Against the corrugated metal walls were leaned old bits of wood and tables, all in different shapes and states of disrepair, almost all covered in scraps of cloth and old clothes. This was where her ilvi lived, curling around each other in nests of discard. She didn’t know why the animals came to her, or why they would bring her books and things, but she didn’t question it. It was all she had and she was unwilling to let it go, so she did what she could to keep them with her.

The light passed over many of them; there was Bango and Terak, curled up inside an old shirt, their white faces sticking out of a fold, comfortable and asleep. Bijou sat upright, watching her as he always did, and Senegal crouched next to him, still munching on the snack she’d given him. Her light finally fell on the one she knew as Mother Critter, curled up in her box around four blind, suckling babies. She lifted up sleepy eyes as the candle approached.

Setting the candle down on the floor, she knelt and held the poem out to Mother Critter, who sniffed at it and then looked back up at her. “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling the poem back. “I forgot, you like them signed.” She glanced around the box and found an old pencil, then wrote at the bottom of the page:



eM:I-elle



“There you are,” she said, offering the poem again. This time Mother Critter took the page in her mouth and began ripping chunks off, bracing it with her claws.

Emielle stood with candle in hand and looked out the squarish hole near the top of her wall. “Morning will be here soon,” she said, shivering slightly as she drew her arm across her belly. “It’s been a long journey. Oh for it to be ending at last.” She watched the horizon for the light she knew would come and her candle hand trembled for she so loved the sun. Far in the distance the CitySky ceiling drew ever closer to the edge of the world, an external eyelid shutting off her view of an outside she had never really seen or could not remember, she was never sure which. Perhaps it did not matter. But she lived for that moment every morning when the sun peeked up above the edge of the ground before it drifted over the CitySky and filled the eye with warm light and filled her chest with intangible hope. Sometimes she would leave her house, go past the village, and wander in the wasteland toward the edge just to get closer to that light, just to see how far she could get, but it was never very far. It was difficult for her to leave the ilvi and all of her precious books.

When the horizon broke the great red light, it was like a roar in her head spreading from eyes to ears to jaw and it trembled. The light oozed over the ground forming in a great lump and then lifting itself above the aperture, displaying the middle of its sphere to her in all its glory. It hit her eye and warmed her face and she could see the rays jutting out in every direction, spreading beyond horizon, beyond ceiling and filling more space than her humble home had to offer, a brief hello I love you before it disappeared again, leaving her in shadow. But the shadow was not as harsh as the night as the CitySky came to life under the light and let its energy filter through to those below.

She was left there, trembling from the sight with candle still in hand, her stomach empty but her spirit full. She lifted the candle to her lips and puffed it out. The room shrouded in shadow once again, but soon enough it would light with filtered sun filtered again through the white panels of her roof. She went back to her pile of bed and sat slow with legs crossed and eyes shut, waiting.

Emielle was woken with a nose against her toe. It was brothers Monk and Mung hoping for some food. She smiled when she saw them, one behind the other, Monk’s grey face and spots under eyes hanging inches from her foot with Mung hanging back behind, timid as always. There were books piled at her pillow. “You have been hard at work these last days,” she observed, and Monk drew forward, putting his paws up on her crossed legs, stretching his face toward hers. She lifted a hand to stroke him and he braced his head under it, letting it run over his flattened ears, his neck, his back, and playing with his tail. She looked to his brother. “Come here, Mung,” she cooed as she petted, “let me hold you.” Mung stepped forward alongside his brother, but did not put his claws in her lap, basking in her love as his brother did. She offered her hand and he licked it, but shied away when she tried to pat. “So coy and so strange,” she said, pulling her hand back again to push Monk gently away. “Give me space, I must prepare your food.”

Monk knew and withdrew willing, with a patient wait. She pulled her blank book toward her and brandished pen, opening to a fresh page. She glanced at him with a smile. “For you, a landscape,” she said, and put point to page, scratching the ink into its milky skin.



           A table of frost blown barren by giant’s breath

      Wind piper speaks warnings in my ear, sheilded under hood under awning

                A small barren patch

           Of unwetted ground beneath the roof of Smith’s storehouse- waiting-

 To emerge out from shelter, a needle into a raging sea, and I go

      Clutching my prize of supplies to my breast, a child, begging it to stay with me. 
        I leave marks

           Dents in the ground, whipped full as soon as I pass as if

                I was never there

                     To begin with.

                           Soon enough the supplies will be gone too.



She bent thoughtfully and scratched out the last line, but included it in Monk’s portion. It was a garnish he enjoyed, she knew. Producing the page with a smile. Monk took it slow, caressing it with his teeth and pulling it gently, gratefully away, slunk to his niche beneath a table and placed the poem on the ground where he licked, savoring the words.

“Come here Mung, I want to see you with my hands.” She held out her hand to the reluctant ilvi. He approached, front paw suspended in the air and sniffed, then licking her hand. She did not move, and in time he moved closer, slipping under her fingers and up to her lap. She sat with eyes shut, hand following his tail to her, following its flicking from side to side. Her other hand rested in her lap upturned and into this Mung put his front paws. She lifted, elevating his face to hers and opened her mouth very slightly letting her breath ooze out. He whuffed in, tasting her breath with his face, and when he breathed out she breathed in, drawing his breath musk over her tongue. She stroked his head and back and he relaxed slightly, she kissed his nose and he snuffed again. “What have you brought me tonight?” she whispered.

Mung backed down and circled in her lap, kneading her legs and making a bed for himself, curling into a circle. His comfort flooded over her like a warm bath, her eyes still resting closed, and she saw Monk through the eyes of his brother. Framed against the red sunrise, head turning back to where he’d come with ears alert, one paw raised and ready to run. The image swam in her mind and she let her hand run over the ball of ilvi resting in her crossed legs. She felt the awareness shift, looking toward the sky. Not the CitySky as it would be, but through the hexagonal grate over the ceiling of the dump alleys. High up and close to the sky- the real sky. She saw the stars and her breath thinned and died in her throat, escaping as a gasp and disappearing in the vast emptiness of space. Starlight was on her face like a cool rain and she did not mind that she could not breathe. To die among such beauty…

The memory shifted. Invading her calm was the scraping, rasping breath of an empty, and then another and another. They were crawling above, blocking out the light. She could see them clearly, swarming to her covering her from the sky, their ragged hungry breath consuming what was left of her wind, the lopsided limbs grasping at her hands and feet and body and neck and head and she could not escape. The vacuum pulled at her lungs, one gasp at a time sucking her dry. Struggle as she might. And then the face, or what was left of it, whatever it had become. Hidden by a cage and held in place with metal and wire. Loomed over her, dead eyes staring into her windows and piercing her terror to extract everything else underneath.

Do not look at their faces! You must not look at their faces!

Her gasp pulled her eyes open and she scooped Mung up to her breast, squeezing him desperate and trembling. The light was brighter now, all that she could see with her eyes blurred. Panting, clinging to the ilvi who struggled only slightly, batwing ears rustling against her cheek. It was a long time before she said anything. The world came to focus around her and Monk was sleeping now, having finished his meal some time ago. His ears shook and back trembled, foot twitching in a dream. The others were sleeping, even Bijou though he still sat upright with eyes closed. Only she and Mung were awake.

“But you still came back,” she whispered. “They never found you, no. That was not your memory.” She trembled and tears came to her eyes, again blurring her cleared vision. “No. Not yours. Not yours.” A sob and she squeezed Mung gently, crouching forward and pushing her nose into his fur. He smelled of musk and pumpkins. “You saw them, didn’t you? Clever of you to hide. But please… please…”

Falling to her side, head resting down on pillow, still clutching Mung to her breast. Continuing to sob. Mung wriggles out of her grip and steps forward to lick tears away.

I’m sorry, Star Chaser.



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Holy Gosh, it's actually happening!

What's actually happening, you may ask? 

WELL.

Anna finally sent me the artwork I commissioned her to do for the pilot episode of that story I've been talking about near-incessantly for the past few months (or maybe it was just vaguely mentioned a few times, I'm not actually sure).  Anyway, this means that I'll finally be able to put it up here for all of you fine folks to see, and also onto inkbok.com which you should totally check out.  This will all be happening in the next couple days; since I can finally move forward on this project that means everything else will come temporarily screeching to a halt while I figure out a few straggly copyright things and put the finishing touches on the second episode (a phrase which here means "completely rewrite the second episode because it's awful"). 

So yeah.  This is happening.

I'm excited.

Can you tell?

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Thrift Store Mystery CD Review: Bourbon Tabernacle Choir, "Sister Anthony"

Mystery CD: “Sister Anthony” by The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
Found at: Savers
Price: $1.98 (again)
First impression:



                This one’s pretty provocative, I have to say.  Even before I saw the band’s name, that cover graphic gave me pause.  It’s not every day you see an ancient, creepy statue staring benevolent and cockeyed at you from a CD cover, especially one named “Sister Anthony”.  And that’s another thing, you rarely meet any sisters named Anthony.  I don’t remember at what stage I noticed the name of the band, but I distinctly remember wavering back and forth in my head, trying to decide if I really wanted this, since “Bourbon Tabernacle Choir” is a pretty obvious spoof on “Mormon Tabernacle Choir,” made all that much more poignant by replacing “Mormon” with an alcoholic drink, and as a convert myself I don’t usually deal too well with mean-spirited tauntings of my chosen faith.  On the other hand, though, the album did peak my curiosity, and even if it’s terrible it should at least be interesting.  Therefore, I thought, it was my duty to take it home, listen to it, and inform what little audience I have as to what I found.
                I’ve peeked at the liner notes and most of the lyrics seem to be disenchanted ranting in slanty verse.  A lot of words that end with an N and an apostrophe, lots of “ain’t”s and a lot of random lines repeated exactly four times in a row for no discernable reason.  Maybe it’ll make more sense when I actually listen to it.  Either way, I don’t think it’s metal (darn), especially after I looked at the credits where they list saxophone, accordion, organ, trombone and a bunch of other stuff that you don’t hear in most rock bands.  So what is this, irreverent folk?  Darkwave, maybe?  Then again, it could still be metal… one of my favorite metal duos frequently include banjo solos in their songs, so it’s possible they’re just getting a little creative.  Anyway, my curiosity is getting the better of me.  Let’s get this over with! 

1. Worms
                Oh goodness.  Oh my goodness…
                The first several seconds are a honky tonk piano and an amalgamation of other instruments just playing random dissonant melodies that don’t fit together over grumbling and talking.  Then it slowly fades out and we’re introduced to the main song. 
                The worst part is, this actually sounds like gospel music.  You’ve got the soft funk beat and strong bass line, the prominent electric organ and several saxophones, along with a gutsy lead singer and a smokey-voiced woman on backing vocals who sounds like she’s straight out of a southern revival church, one of those places where you’ve got the gospel choir all in blue robes and people going into convulsions in the aisles… This isn’t at all what I thought it would be.  Is this honest-to-goodness soul music??  What is this madness!?

2. The Down
                The easy listening gospel groove continues with the second track.  This is crazily upbeat, which is not at all what I was expecting.  When I looked over the lyrics they seemed angsty at best.  Was I just reading them wrong?  Are these songs actually incredibly happy and I just completely misjudged everything?  I’m so confused… It’s so upbeat and happy and it’s such a contrast from the weird and kind of dark packaging that I’m really having a lot of trouble wrapping my mind around this.

3. Defy My Love
                This sounds like the theme song to a nineties sitcom about a happy black family who all wear neon sweaters and learn a new life-affirming lesson every week!  For some reason the title of this one sounds like it should be a lot darker, and when I read the lyrics before listening to it I thought they were biting and sarcastic: Everyday you just wanted to get flaunted/ every night, you just want to get wanted/ I got you on the menu baby, restauranted/ so why do I always get daunted.  But with this upbeat funk groove and this guy’s positively joyful singing… well I guess it’s just a hard luck song about some lady who doesn’t feel the same way about him.

4. Death is the Great Awakener
                This one’s less funky than the others so far, but it’s still that easy going gospel feel and I am so lost.  So, so lost.  I mean, look at that title!  Does that sound like a gospel title?  This is so far off from what I was expecting I can’t even think.  It’s not bad… I mean, I don’t hate it.  It’s not the kind of thing I usually listen to, certainly… I don’t like soul-funk at the best of times, and this has definitely got that feel but I can’t truthfully say that I don’t like it.  It’s just so… happy

5. Nothing
                Sudden change of gears here.  All of a sudden the music is slow and weird and slightly out of tune and creepy.  The singer recites rather than sings.  He who is an ass and thinks himself to be a stag finds his mistake when he comes to leap the ditch.
                And that’s it.  It fades out quickly.  It isn’t even listed in the liner notes.  This is the most interesting song I’ve heard so far.

6. While We’ve got your Attention I’d like to point out a few things
                Really slow driving bass line here, sounds like it’s synthesized.  Neat melody though.  A little darker than everything else so far, but still really upbeat.  This is the song I paid most attention to when I was looking through the lyrics.  Again, it was a case where it looked like angry ranting at someone who’s perceived to be a bigot.  But this music is just so gosh-darned friendly that it’s hard to believe that these people could be even a fraction as cynical as their lyrics might suggest. 
                All things considered this is a pretty good song and I’m enjoying listening to it.  I just can’t get over how quintessentially nineties it is, though.  No matter how hard I try, I literally cannot stop picturing a sit-com’s opening credits, and it’s more than a little off-putting.

7. Solitude Mama
                A-one, a-two, a-one two three four… YOU’RE DOIN IT FUCKIN’ WRONG.
                …And that’s how this one starts.  Just when I think I’m getting a handle on the tone of this CD they throw that in there and now I’m back to not being able to figure out what the hell is going on.  As I’m listening to this the most intelligible thing I hear is something about milk going bad in the fridge.  I cheated and looked at the lyrics and I guess he just wants to be alone and is constantly looking for “solitude time”.  Listening a little closer, that is very clearly what the song is all about.  He just wants people to leave him alone.  What this has to do with somebody’s mother is anybody’s guess. 
                I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  They’re starting to sound like an upbeat and friendly band and then they throw that intro in there out of nowhere and now I’m back at square one. 

8. The Little Vagabond
                This starts out just like the first track did.  Honky tonk piano in all its glory with an accordion solo and women gossiping about… whatever.  Wondrous.  There’s a lot of swearing, I just noticed, in the background.
                Oh hey, they’re all singing together, like a singalong.  It’s a drinking song.  Kinda nice in a nostalgic family way.  Strange and cute, but something just doesn’t sit right with me.  Such usage in heaven will never do well/ but if at the church they would give us some ale/ and a pleasant fire, our souls to regale/ we’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day/ nor ever once wish from the church to stray.  Now stop me if this sounds crazy, but that sounds pretty mean, doesn’t it?  It sounds to me like they’re saying the only way church could hold their attention is if there was booze, and they could get drunk in the service, but there are so many things wrong with that even if you’re not a Mormon that it doesn’t really fit with the whole image they’ve clearly got going as a praise band.  Could this be a traditional song and this is just their take on it?  If it is, it’s one I’ve never heard. 

9. Bonus track: Put Your Head On
                So I guess this particular CD is a 1995 re-release of the group’s debut album which came out five years earlier, and that merits two bonus tracks.  Apparently they must have been really popular at some point for this to have happened, but I’ve never heard of them (obviously).  It’s more of the upbeat gospel funk, and why would it be anything else?  This song’s also incredibly short, so there’s that.

10. Bonus track: As Right As They Want To Be
                Oh, this is a live one.  The singer starts out wishing everybody a merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, then says that the song is dedicated to “The Holy Father, the Pope in Rome.” 
                Okay, all weirdness with their choice in album art aside, this is the main thing I’m having a lot of trouble with.  They sound like a gospel band.  They mention religion a ton in most of their songs.  He just dedicated a song to the Pope.  The problem is that when read without the music, the lyrics seem to smack with sarcasm and every other time they mention church or religion in their lyrics it seems to be with a fair amount of disdain.  But I don’t know if that’s just my own expectations clouding my judgment or if this whole album is really a subtle criticism on organized religion or even an entire atheistic rant (albeit a very well-disguised one), and it’s driving me nuts! 
                There’s nothing wrong with subtle commentary, and even though it’s not my cup of tea most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with praise-ey gospel music, but I can’t tell which I’m listening to.  There is a small but significant difference between being subtle and being confoundingly vague, and this is definitely in the latter category for me.  I don’t know what’s going on here and it’s maddening.  They clearly have some very polarizing opinions here but it’s nigh impossible to tell what they are.
                However, by the same token, I could just be overthinking this. 
                The music is good.  Whatever message they’re trying to convey, if they are even trying to convey a message, it sounds like they’re having a lot of fun doing it.  They’re all capable and talented musicians.  Hell, their style is soul funk and I still enjoyed it despite having a strong disposition toward hating that very genre.  I can be one hell of an uptight, stubborn bastard when it comes to music, and to make me enjoy something from a genre I have convinced myself that I hate takes skill, which these guys clearly have no shortage of.  If you strip away the lyrics and implied meanings, what you’re left with is a bunch of people who like to sing crazy songs and are really pretty damn good at it, all things considered.  And hey, maybe that’s all that matters. 

Overall impression:
                I can say with pretty good certainty that this CD won’t be turning into one of my favorites any time soon.  I won’t listen to it every day, I might not even put it on my mp3 player.  But I do like it, in spite of its vagueness.  Hell, maybe I like it because of its vagueness.  The more I think about it the more I realize that I could never get into gospel music because it all seemed too simple and narrow-minded to me, but this… this is not.  I’m not sure what it is, but it isn’t that.  I can say that it’s fun, it’s energetic, and it’s just weird enough to keep me interested.  Even if I don’t play it often, I am keeping it because someday I know I’ll be in the perfect mood to want to pop this into the CD player and relive all that sweet confusion and jam out to some sweet funk riffs.  And really, Solitude Mama is a pretty groovy song. 

Well, the first track of this CD actually has a music video, apparently…


…and good Lord, it’s one of the wackiest things I’ve ever seen.  It clears up some of my earlier questions about what their leanings are, I think.  That video is so off-the-wall goofy (and yet naively sincere at the same time- you can tell they were really trying), that I’m almost certain that the sarcasm I was getting from the lyrics were just my imagination getting the better of me; projected offenses that hadn’t actually happened.  Nobody here is mocking the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, they just chose a name that sounded funny and slightly off kilter and suggests an affinity for alcohol (which is not at all an uncommon thing to have).  In this case, a name is just a name, and they were a group of kids who just wanted to have fun making energetic music and psychedelic early nineties music videos.  I’d say they were successful.  Well done, chaps.  Well done indeed.